So, I'm a lesbian. Bree was already a lesbian before I became her and I just naturally kept it going because I was a guy - then and I turned into a girl and still didn't in any way like guys. I recognize that there are some "attractive" guys out there, but I've never felt anything for them, while being Bree - and I've totally had feelings for girls like I did as Brendan.
But this last beach trip with me meeting Deon, I've felt like I've been hit by a wave. I felt an instant connection, like a puzzle piece that fit right into all the curves and angles. I didn't want to admit it that first day, but I think it was already there. I'd never felt like this about a guy before while being Bree. I still can't believe I've maybe been crushing on him while I wrapping my heart around the fact that I actually/possibly was or could be attracted to him. It's been really confusing. Earlier in Bree's life, I'm sure she had to struggle to come to grips with being a lesbian, and now here I am liking a guy. It feels like I'm making Bree/me come out again, but backwards, you know?
Do I truly like Deon? I asked him out for this Saturday. I actually called him back and asked him out! I can't explain this. It's like a switch has gone off in my head. I can't believe that I might really like him after only spending the time on the beach with him and going out one time as "friends."
We had a nice dinner together. We talked about lots of stuff. Mostly about me and what as he said, "Makes me tick..." I told him about the band, my job... Olivia. He moved on past that last subject kinda quickly. After about an hour, we headed to our cars and he asked if I wanted to just ride with him. The club is about 10 minutes away from the restaurant and I said sure... We got there and it was dark out and I could hear the loud music from the club from across the street. Tons of people were there and we went up and the bouncers let us right on in without question.
"Deon, what exactly do you have in mind for us in here?"
"Oh, I don't know... A little drinking and a little dancing, maybe? That's what I always do."
"I'm not dancing with you..." I laughed, kinda... "I might have a drink though..." If there were any other lesbians in this club, my chances were kinda shot coming in here with him anyway. Not that I could spot any prospective girls at this point in my "career"...
"Just hang out with me a little if you can, Blue Eyes. At least try to let a few hotties know we're together to drum up some interest."
"How, or better yet, why in the hell do you need me to help you drum up interest. Every girl in line was eyeing you."
"And they were eyeing you too. Wishing to be you and also wanting to rip you to shreds to get to me. You already did some heavy lifting Miss Bree! Thank you."
"My damn pleasure." I said that sarcastically... We stood there drinking a little and talking. A song with a pretty fat beat came on and I couldn't help but start to move. Deon did to and we were both there dancing and gyrating to the house beat that was pumping through the speakers. We were dancing together but Deon respected my request and we stayed close but never, at this point grinded together or anything. We danced at maybe a half arms length away. After a few more songs, I felt I'd had enough and told him I was gonna go explore a bit and let the women have a chance to flock to him like he said they would. I walked to the bar and ordered a beer and out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone I knew... Tiffany.
"Bree? Hey girl! What's up?"
"Not much... Just here on... business... sorta..."
"SInce when did tall, dark and handsome become your business?"
"God, you saw us? It's complicated... Very complicated..."
"Well you seem kinda uptight. Want a drink?" I didn't tell her I already had two...
"Sure..."
"I'll get us something special!"
"Oh boy!" I didn't have a clue what this drink was... Looked like rum with a floating shot of whisky in it.
"Oh my god, Bree. I gotta pee so bad. Hold my drink. I'll be right back..."
"Sure..." At that point Deon came over and snapped a pic of me which he later texted to me...
"Damn Deon! That flash just about killed my eyes! Geez!"
"Sorry 'bout that Blue Eyes! Who's your friend? And... if you drink both of those, I'll be carrying you back to your car... no shitting you there."
"A girl from work. Now get lost!" I punched him in the arm and then kinda smiled...
"Just sayin'... See ya soon!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Well, he's not bad looking, that's for damn sure. If I was into guys, I'd be all over him!"
"So you don't like guys?"
"Relationship wise, hell no! To many bad experiences. To many guys think with their dicks and not with their heads, if you know what I mean. You are the type I go for now..."
"Wow. I'd hoped and thought that from the time we went out to lunch and you redid my hair for me. You had me like putty in your hands. I was in heaven at your touch."
"Oh! Yeah! I remember that. I wasn't sure about you though... That blonde that came up to your office and then you two kissed as she left kinda affirmed it for me though... Figured you might be a lesbo as well."
"Well, wanna dance?"
"Drink up first!!!"
"Ok!" I turned it up and we got on the floor. We danced like I'd only seen people dancing before. total boodie danced with her. It was pretty hot, I'll say that. this is the point where things start to get a little hazy... I'm pretty sure we went and found an isolated booth somewhere in the back of the club and made out for a while... I had this pic on my phone from some point...
I don't remember taking it...
The next thing I remember, the place was closing and it was around 4:30am. Deon found me and was holding my hand/arm/me up as we made our way to the door. He helped me to his car and we drove to my car. We pulled up to my car and I opened the door but he grabbed my arm...
"Girl, I can't let you drive. You are so far past wasted that it's not funny. Just make sure your car is locked and I'll drive you home."
"I can dammit, drive!!! Just let me... get my keys out of the pool over there. I'm gonna go for a swim!"
"Hell no! You'll have crashed before you get out of this parking lot. I'm taking you home."
"Ok..." I pouted. "But I'm not very happy about any of this. This is an outrage to me and my mom and brother. We'll take you to court meanie!"
"Sorry. It's for your own good."
"Ok... DAD!" I told him where I lived and we pulled up into the drive-way. I got out and was stumbling up the sidewalk and he came and helped me to the door. We got up to the door and I pulled away, slightly.
"I got this now, Deon. Thank you. You were quite the gentleman... I hope you had got a lots of girls and kissed them and made out with them and touched them and had fun with them..."
"No problem, Blue Eyes. WOW! You are blitzed for sure, girl!" For some reason, I looked up at him and just stared into his eyes for a few moments. I leaned up and over to him and he leaned down to me. We kissed. I could feel my mouth start to open to take it further but he pulled away.
"OH MY GOD! What the in the fiery fires of hell just happened to us doing that kiss thingy???"
"I'm so sorry... I'm sure it didn't mean anything. You're drunk and I shouldn't have done that."
"No. No. No. Meanie! I don't like you anymore... Go away and goodbye, Deon. But... try to be a little bit careful from the deers in the road and turtles and froggies..."
"Ok. Bye. Get some sleep... You so drunk you off the scale." I opened the door and crashed on the couch. As the memories from that night came back the next "afternoon," I was sickened and stunned and appalled.
That's what I can remember as happening... Kinda sickening but... I don't know. So confused... Why is this happening? I don't know what to do...
I've never had sex with a guy before as Bree, or as Brendan, duh! I'm pretty sure that Bree had sex with a guy though in the previous timeline... But I think I may want to take that step with Deon. I can't believe I just thought that let alone typed that!!!!! I didn't that first night or the next couple of days, but the more I've thought about it, the more it makes sense. I mean, I've had sex with girls as a guy and I figure that I may as well find out what it feels like to have sex with a guy as a girl. But, that is totally not what I've wanted to do the whole time as Bree. The problem is, I haven't told Deon that I've never slept with a guy before. I don't even know if he wants to sleep with me. Wel, I'm sure he does.. maybe. He may just think that I have and then turned lesbian later. I don't know... What do I say? How do I find out? Do I want to even find out. First of all, I don't even know if I'm a lesbian anymore. I think I still like girls, but since I've been with Deon, I've started noticing how he looks and I think about him: his bodies, the way he moves, the way he smells. And girls I used to fantasize about, to ashamed to mention names here, sorry to them, do nothing for me right now. It's like I found a new favorite dessert, and I can't imagine ordering the old one anymore, even though I still like it. Does that make any sense? I just need to go to my room and burry my face in my pillow and cry for like three days straight... I feel depression setting in. What do I do...???
a very confused Bree...
We had a nice dinner together. We talked about lots of stuff. Mostly about me and what as he said, "Makes me tick..." I told him about the band, my job... Olivia. He moved on past that last subject kinda quickly. After about an hour, we headed to our cars and he asked if I wanted to just ride with him. The club is about 10 minutes away from the restaurant and I said sure... We got there and it was dark out and I could hear the loud music from the club from across the street. Tons of people were there and we went up and the bouncers let us right on in without question.
"Deon, what exactly do you have in mind for us in here?"
"Oh, I don't know... A little drinking and a little dancing, maybe? That's what I always do."
"I'm not dancing with you..." I laughed, kinda... "I might have a drink though..." If there were any other lesbians in this club, my chances were kinda shot coming in here with him anyway. Not that I could spot any prospective girls at this point in my "career"...
"Just hang out with me a little if you can, Blue Eyes. At least try to let a few hotties know we're together to drum up some interest."
"How, or better yet, why in the hell do you need me to help you drum up interest. Every girl in line was eyeing you."
"And they were eyeing you too. Wishing to be you and also wanting to rip you to shreds to get to me. You already did some heavy lifting Miss Bree! Thank you."
"My damn pleasure." I said that sarcastically... We stood there drinking a little and talking. A song with a pretty fat beat came on and I couldn't help but start to move. Deon did to and we were both there dancing and gyrating to the house beat that was pumping through the speakers. We were dancing together but Deon respected my request and we stayed close but never, at this point grinded together or anything. We danced at maybe a half arms length away. After a few more songs, I felt I'd had enough and told him I was gonna go explore a bit and let the women have a chance to flock to him like he said they would. I walked to the bar and ordered a beer and out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone I knew... Tiffany.
"Bree? Hey girl! What's up?"
"Not much... Just here on... business... sorta..."
"SInce when did tall, dark and handsome become your business?"
"God, you saw us? It's complicated... Very complicated..."
"Well you seem kinda uptight. Want a drink?" I didn't tell her I already had two...
"Sure..."
"I'll get us something special!"
"Oh boy!" I didn't have a clue what this drink was... Looked like rum with a floating shot of whisky in it.
"Oh my god, Bree. I gotta pee so bad. Hold my drink. I'll be right back..."
"Sure..." At that point Deon came over and snapped a pic of me which he later texted to me...
"Damn Deon! That flash just about killed my eyes! Geez!"
"Sorry 'bout that Blue Eyes! Who's your friend? And... if you drink both of those, I'll be carrying you back to your car... no shitting you there."
"A girl from work. Now get lost!" I punched him in the arm and then kinda smiled...
"Just sayin'... See ya soon!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Well, he's not bad looking, that's for damn sure. If I was into guys, I'd be all over him!"
"So you don't like guys?"
"Relationship wise, hell no! To many bad experiences. To many guys think with their dicks and not with their heads, if you know what I mean. You are the type I go for now..."
"Wow. I'd hoped and thought that from the time we went out to lunch and you redid my hair for me. You had me like putty in your hands. I was in heaven at your touch."
"Oh! Yeah! I remember that. I wasn't sure about you though... That blonde that came up to your office and then you two kissed as she left kinda affirmed it for me though... Figured you might be a lesbo as well."
"Well, wanna dance?"
"Drink up first!!!"
"Ok!" I turned it up and we got on the floor. We danced like I'd only seen people dancing before. total boodie danced with her. It was pretty hot, I'll say that. this is the point where things start to get a little hazy... I'm pretty sure we went and found an isolated booth somewhere in the back of the club and made out for a while... I had this pic on my phone from some point...
I don't remember taking it...
The next thing I remember, the place was closing and it was around 4:30am. Deon found me and was holding my hand/arm/me up as we made our way to the door. He helped me to his car and we drove to my car. We pulled up to my car and I opened the door but he grabbed my arm...
"Girl, I can't let you drive. You are so far past wasted that it's not funny. Just make sure your car is locked and I'll drive you home."
"I can dammit, drive!!! Just let me... get my keys out of the pool over there. I'm gonna go for a swim!"
"Hell no! You'll have crashed before you get out of this parking lot. I'm taking you home."
"Ok..." I pouted. "But I'm not very happy about any of this. This is an outrage to me and my mom and brother. We'll take you to court meanie!"
"Sorry. It's for your own good."
"Ok... DAD!" I told him where I lived and we pulled up into the drive-way. I got out and was stumbling up the sidewalk and he came and helped me to the door. We got up to the door and I pulled away, slightly.
"I got this now, Deon. Thank you. You were quite the gentleman... I hope you had got a lots of girls and kissed them and made out with them and touched them and had fun with them..."
"No problem, Blue Eyes. WOW! You are blitzed for sure, girl!" For some reason, I looked up at him and just stared into his eyes for a few moments. I leaned up and over to him and he leaned down to me. We kissed. I could feel my mouth start to open to take it further but he pulled away.
"OH MY GOD! What the in the fiery fires of hell just happened to us doing that kiss thingy???"
"I'm so sorry... I'm sure it didn't mean anything. You're drunk and I shouldn't have done that."
"No. No. No. Meanie! I don't like you anymore... Go away and goodbye, Deon. But... try to be a little bit careful from the deers in the road and turtles and froggies..."
"Ok. Bye. Get some sleep... You so drunk you off the scale." I opened the door and crashed on the couch. As the memories from that night came back the next "afternoon," I was sickened and stunned and appalled.
That's what I can remember as happening... Kinda sickening but... I don't know. So confused... Why is this happening? I don't know what to do...
I've never had sex with a guy before as Bree, or as Brendan, duh! I'm pretty sure that Bree had sex with a guy though in the previous timeline... But I think I may want to take that step with Deon. I can't believe I just thought that let alone typed that!!!!! I didn't that first night or the next couple of days, but the more I've thought about it, the more it makes sense. I mean, I've had sex with girls as a guy and I figure that I may as well find out what it feels like to have sex with a guy as a girl. But, that is totally not what I've wanted to do the whole time as Bree. The problem is, I haven't told Deon that I've never slept with a guy before. I don't even know if he wants to sleep with me. Wel, I'm sure he does.. maybe. He may just think that I have and then turned lesbian later. I don't know... What do I say? How do I find out? Do I want to even find out. First of all, I don't even know if I'm a lesbian anymore. I think I still like girls, but since I've been with Deon, I've started noticing how he looks and I think about him: his bodies, the way he moves, the way he smells. And girls I used to fantasize about, to ashamed to mention names here, sorry to them, do nothing for me right now. It's like I found a new favorite dessert, and I can't imagine ordering the old one anymore, even though I still like it. Does that make any sense? I just need to go to my room and burry my face in my pillow and cry for like three days straight... I feel depression setting in. What do I do...???
a very confused Bree...
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