HOpefuLLy Today Will be a FUnDaY!

Didn't sleep last night much. Too much going on in my mind. I think I dreamed about the diary entry.  Fell asleep on the couch after watching some TV with O. I remember tossing and turning but not wanting to get up and go to my bed. So lazy...

Olivia must have woken up sometime in the night and gone to bed. Molly was there by my feet curled up in a little ball of fur when I opened my eyes just a few minutes ago. She's so cute! She also has some freaking sharp claws!

No more claws in my leg when you stretch, please!

I went to the kitchen to get something to put into my growling belly and I noticed that most of the disassembled computer had been put back together and moved to a small section of the counter. All the dishes were washed and put away. Ok... Wow! I'm such a slob and Olivia is cleaning up the whole house. She really just needs to move in. I've of course hinted that and so has she, but really, no need for both of us to have a house. Mine's plenty big for two people. Maybe I'll ask her when she get's up! One second... (Siri, remind me in 2 hours to ask Olivia if she would like to move in with me. Thank you...)

I need to get some groceries. Getting bare in the cupboards... A girl's gotta eat!

See ya later!

Found Something Interesting in the Diary!!!

Stuck in the back of my/Bree's diary was a printed out chat from guess who... me and David. He obviously thought something relationship wise was going on between us when I felt it wasn't...

Here's a little excerpt from it... This must have happened right after the treehouse incident that I blogged about here... Treehouse Incident

david1356: Yes I am pissed its not most toward you. But im more hurt you would choose his dumb self over me.
mcbree89: Im not choosing anybody...
david1356: He wants what I have. Lets start here.... Do you like me the way I like you?
mcbree89: Look, I like you as a friend... I just don't feel like being in a relationship. It's not you. Nobody said anything. And before u get mad, I don't like Ben and I'm not going out with him...
david1356: Well this is awkward. So was last time we were together cuz I thought you liked me and I really like you a lot. I thought thats why we hung out so much
mcbree89: I didn't know what I felt... I just don't know. I was trying to hang out like friends but I guess it led to something else.
david1356: Well you now have me and your mom so confused. So last night Nicole was right?
mcbree89: No, Nicole was very wrong. I don't want us to back off... I guess it's just me...
david1356: Bree, I know about the dating thing. Your mom told me. I can't "date" till i'm 15 either.
mcbree89: I can date whenever, but I just don't feel like being in a good relationship right now. I won't be dating anybody for a while.
david1356: So do you need me to leave you alone? I've waited to tell you I like you for over a year. I like you before I knew about Ben...
mcbree89: No, like I said. I know u are mad, sad and angry but I still want to be your friend...
david1356: I don't know what to tell you. I thought you liked me so I got excited. But now I don't know how to feel because you are saying you just want to be friends. So no I'm upset. And everyone told me when they asked about me and you that you would say yea you liked me and Jodi said you told  her we were basically dating. People told me things like: you smiled when people asked about me, you said we were basically together and you were happy when people asked. Your mom told me things like that happened at home so I honestly thought we had something special.
mcbree89: People thought we were dating because you gave me hugs and they thought we were going out but I said at the beginning we were not going out. They kept on asking me everyday if we were going out so to shut them up, I said we were basically going out. We do go out... but as friends, or so I thought...
david1356: See! trhat's wh y I thought that. I honestly need to know how we can in a nice way figure out how to be friends. You really had me thinking you liked me in a way I have liked you for over a year now.
mcbree89: I still wanna talk to you and say hey to you and be your friend. I am just a little confused about how to take this now. I will tell you one thing for sure. I don't like Ben so please don't be mad.
david1356: I don't care about him, yes he makes me mad as anything when he messes with you. Jealously I know. And when you un-confuse yourself please tell me what you come up with. Please don't think I'm overly mad at you. I'm confused, jealous and confused and mad.
mcbree89: I do not like BEN! I hope we can be friends.
david1356: We have no other choice!
mcbree89: I know you really like me. I was so worried and scared of how to tell u.
david1356: Tell me what exactly?
mcbree89: Of how I would like to just be friends.
david1356: You tell me this after the fact you practically tell everyone we are pretty much dating! That is what hurts the most.
mcbree89: I know, but I didn't know how to tell everyone. Seriously, everyone would ask every second of every day. I just finally had enough and said to a few people we were going out some. It wasn't a lie! We do go out... It was maybe a half-lie...
david1356: They asked me as well and I don't see how this isn't concerning you.
mcbree89: It does concern me everyday of how I "lied" to everyone. And, to tell you this I feel very terrible!
david1356: I don't get how within just days you can change your mind so much. I do not want to pressure you in any way but I'm so confused on how to feel about you. It's really awkward right now and I am not sure how to fix it, but I do want to be friends. It is going to be hard for me to just have the mind set of friend because as far as I knew you felt the same way I did. Sorry I caused so much trouble. I will just go away.
mcbree89: NO! Stop saying that! We can work this out and still be friends.
david1356: Obviously I caused trouble. I just want you so feel comfortable and not worry about me.
mcbree89: You didn't cause trouble.
david1356: Ok. A different word maybe. How about confusion, tension, hatred. The list could go on.
mcbree89: Well... U didn't cause any of it. I promise! It's ok!
david1356: Well, I'll leave you alone now so I can stop being the problem to your mayhem.
mcbree89: For the love of god! I don't want you to leave me alone. You are not a problem!!!

I read up to this point before I copied and pasted it. After I pasted it and read it again, I could remember it happening. I remember sitting in my chair in my room. I remember the feelings I was having. I remember what I had on. I remember not being able to sleep that night... Totally weird having those memories come flooding in. I might put more up later. I don't want to read anymore right now...

Guess I'll feed Molly. Wow! Sort or shaking a bit. Feel weak... Olivia went to the computer store to buy something for that computer she's working on. It's taking over the kitchen!!! She needs a workshop! I need a hug right now and for someone to hold me...

Heading to My Parents House (Olivia better behave herself...)

SO much has happened since Friday.. OMG!!! I can't wait to find time to write about it on here. Anyway, we're about to head over to me parents house. It's like 4:35pm right now and we were supposed to be there at 4pm. Gonna be so late!!! Olivia says she has to look perfect and everything... She's freaking!!! lol! I keep telling her it's no big deal... And, Olivia, you better behave yourself!!! And, she drank all my Dr Pepper so I had to drink a Coke!!!

Should be a good time. My whole family is supposed to be there - both brothers and my sister... Gonna say that Olivia is a friend from work and had nothing to do today, which is Memorial day. Anyway, things are going great between us. We're having... umm, lots of fun and getting to know each other quite well... You won't believe what my safe did to things in both of our lives... Flipping amazing things... I can't even believe it, really. At some point today, I hope we have time to go and see about my diary... That should be an interesting look into Bree's/my life!!! Anyway, gott run!!! See ya. Oh, here's a pic! Got a swim suit under the shirt and shorts that I have on. Can't wait to swim... and show off Olivia to the fam!!!

Just one thing has been on my mind this whole weekend... not much, but always there, hanging out in the back... my meeting with Carolyn tomorrow... I'm ready to do it though but kinda anxious about it...

Bye!

I Think I'll Take a Little Dip...

Got to my parent's house and no one was home. No prob, I still have a key! Stepped in the house and called Mom. She said that they had gone to the store for a bit and to make myself at home. Well, duh, that's what I plan to do. She said they'd be home in like 15 minutes so I headed up the stairs to my old room and sat down on the bed and just looked around. I really have no memory of this room. 

I know what kinda stuff went on in here when I was Brendan but not a single memory as Bree. This is so bizarre... I checked in some of the drawers and most of the stuff had been cleaned out. They are used as mainly storage now and this room is used as a guest room. I opened the huge closet and did see a few pairs of shoes in there. Mostly dressy shoes and a pair of black high heels... I was tempted. I'll have to admit, I've done a little cross dressing in the past, but not in high heels. This should be interesting... I slipped off my Cons and my socks and put them on my feet. They weren't too terribly high, maybe 2.5" and I stood up and braced myself against the wall, just in case. I took a step and then two.. three.. four.. then I was walking around the room, with no problem at all. Wow!!! Muscle memory or something had to have taken over. I did a little jog and did fine. Unbelievable!!! I ran back over to the closet and remembered something. As Brendan, I had stashed something in here. I hit the closet light and crawled to the back corner and the carpet was still loose. I pulled it up and saw the the floorboards were still movable and pulled the two short boards up. There it was - my lockbox. I had a few things in there that I wanted to keep hidden... like some dirty magazines and stuff... I remembered the code 3*48*7. I flipped the top open and there they were. My 4 favorite playboys ever from when I was like in Jr. High... WOW!!! I grabbed all four of them and as soon as I got them out of the box, they transformed into what looked like a girls diary... I dropped it immediately - I was totally freaked out. There was a little lock on it and I didn't see the key. Bummer. Right about then, I heard mom opening the door and yell, "Bree, where are ya?" It startled me a little and I threw the diary back in the box and it turned back into the playboys right before my eyes... What tha!!! I placed the boards back down and pulled the carpet back and got up and went back to the room as Mom was coming in.

"Hey," I said. "I'm loooking for a swimsuit. I was thinking about going to the beach for a bit. You haven't seen one of mine around here anywhere ha ya?"
"No. The last time Jenny was here she left a black one. It's here somewhere. Want me to find it?"
"Sure. That'd be great. Hey, I was wondering, is all my stuff still in the pool house?"
"Yeah, your dad and Luke were just talking about loading it up and getting it to you soon."
"Cool! I really need some of that stuff right about now."

She came over and gave me a hug.

"All my babies have grown up. You're a very beautiful woman now. I just want you to know that I'm proud of you!"
"Thanks, Mom," I said trying not to tear up. "I have a question for you... What's your best memory of me?"
"Well, that'd have to be when you got that job of yours. You were the youngest person to get hired on. It's really the memory of how excited you were. They had given you this huge project. You totally blew everyones mind with your design. They gave you the job very soon after that, like first semester in your senior year. I can tell you my worst memory..."
"Please do tell..."
"When you came home with that first tattoo!"
"Sorry... You should have just said I could get one... Then I probably wouldn't have... not right then anyway..." 

(Wow... I wonder which one it was. As Brendan, the first one I got was on the back of my right arm. I don't have one there now.) We laughed and hugged again.

"I see you found a pair of your old heels?'
"Yep, forgot about these (literally, sorta). I'm gonna take them with me..."
"And you should... Ok, I'm gonna go try to find the swimsuit... Be right back!"

I headed down the stairs, heels still on!?!?!? Wow forgot I was wearing them. Freaky!!! Headed back upstairs and threw them in my old room. Mom found the  the swim suit and suggested that I just stay here and go lay out by the pool. Well, I agreed. I could swim if I wanted here too and it was an awesome pool! She said that she knows how I like to "tan" and that dad wouldn't be home for maybe an hour.

I gave her a puzzled look and she said, "Umm... topless..."
"Oh, yeah. Ha. Of course..." 

I went out to the pool house with the swimsuit and saw all of my old stuff piled a mile high in boxes. There'll be time for that later, I wanna get in that pool I thought to myself... I went into the poolhouse bathroom and took off my clothes... There I was in the poolhouse, naked and a girl. I looked at myself in the mirror for a few minutes, just in awe of my new self, mt new "shell." I started to cry right there.I needed a good cry. So much going on right now. I sat on the closed toilet and ctied for maybe 10 minutes strait, just thinking about everything. Sometimes the crying was out of joy, sometimes out of fear or scared of the unknown. For whatever the reasons, it felt good to do it - just letting all my bottled up emotions from my recent girl past and my distant guy past go freely. I'm sure i was a mess and looked in the mirror and my make-up was everywhere. I washed my face with some hand soap and slipped on the swimsuit. It felt like bar and panties but as slicker and cooler on my skin. I posed a little bit and rubbed/ran my hands over my body. I grabbed some lotion out of the closet and did another take of my body oin the mirror - sexy, I though as I made my way to the pool. I knew the water might be a little chilly but I dove in anyway. Nipples were at full attention when I surfaced! I went under again and played with them for as long as I could hold my breath... a few times. So fun!!!

I swam for a little while then pulled out a chair and sat down to work on my tan for a bit. I got the suntan lotion and rubbed it on my body. I removed my top, hey, it's what mom said I did and it's just her here, and put some on my front side. That felt good too! I laid down on my belly and gave myself a wedge, put some lotion down there too, and got settled in just to remember something. I got my phone and set it for 30 minutes and took this pic. Thirty minutes is how long Jenny used to stay out here and our coloring is about the same... hopefully I won't get toasted.

Wow! Dat ass!!! I'm quite lucky!

30 minutes on the back and thirty on the front. I will admit though, I did put my top back on for the front. Not ready to do that just yet. Dad could be home at any moment... Timer went off as I had just fallen asleep... I got up and jumped back in the pool to cool off! I thought it would be a good idea to get out of the sun. I used 50 sunblock, but this Miami sun can scorch you in a hurry!!! 

I went to the pool house and got my clothes and a towel and dried off and wrapped the towel around my waist and headed back in the house. Dad was home and he and mom were eating a sandwich and watching TV. She asked if I wanted one and I said I did and went back upstairs to change back into my clothes. I came back down and mom had made me a turkey sandwich, come chips and a glass of tea. What an awesome mom! I ate and then chatted for a while. Dad asked about my week and although it's been crazy, I told him it had been pretty good. We all hugged, said goodbyes then I left. I so wanted to take that journal home but was freaked out by the magic still at work there. Maybe I'd come back again tomorrow after work and go through some of my old stuff and then take it home with some other stuff I find. If that metal box had limited the magical powers, I wondered if my safe at home had done the same... one reason to get on home. 

I got home and just chilled out. Watched some tv and snacked a bit. I guess I should start being careful about what I eat, really... Has my belly gotten bigger in a week? lol! Maybe one more post to come tonight. 

About to go crack the safe!