Had to write this before I forgot too much!
I went to meet up with Tonya yesterday to talk about some things. After our photoshoot Sunday the 2nd, I stayed with her and we, well, hooked up. After a few drinks and just being around her, I couldn't, we couldn't take it anymore. We made love and I ended up waking up the next morning naked in her bed and she was gone with a note left for me there on her dresser.
She said she loved her time with me but she had to get away for a while. The note went into further details saying she went to Arizona to visit her grandmother whom she had recently learned about and was not sure when she would be back... I was really shocked and started to tear up a bit. And, I had really overslept, had no clothes and was really late for work, too!
So, last night, I met up with her at a nightclub to talk about that. I just told her that I was really confused when I woke up like that and though I'd done something wrong. I was really kinda heartbroken because I thought what we did was something she was wanting to do as well. We got that mini-mess straightened out and then two guys started hitting on us and offered us drinks. The first guy that came over said that he saw me at one of my band's shows and blah, blah, blah... Hey, free drinks, right? It was ok, just talking to them until the one guy, what was his name, oh yeah, douche-bag. We just sat there talking and stuff until douche-bag, a little drunk mind you, started to feel up my leg. I pulled away and he scooted over more and did it again. I politely asked him to stop and he didn't... I got up and said to Tonya it's time to leave and she threw the rest of her drink in his face... Well, that got him to stop. I think she also kicked him hard in the shin. He was doubled over when I looked back on our way out.
We headed back to her place and ended up in a loveseat on her patio overlooking the ocean with her head in my lap and I was just playing with her hair and stroking her back. I just wanted to relax. I mean, I'm still on the "rag," although I was too embarrassed to tell Tonya that at first. I also felt that every time we're alone, it turns into sex... I thought about it and told her this... this is kinda personal...
...I want to do this so bad but... I also made a deal with myself that I would just, this time, well... I just want to spend some time with you that's not completely and overtly sexual in nature. I mean, like, I am turned on right now but I just wanted this time to be a time to hang out and snuggle and bond as friends... I'm sorry... You turn me on so much and I, for me just wanted to prove to myself that I could spend time alone with you that wouldn't turn in to sex. It's just a me thing... I'm just trying to work on control and being in control of me... and not just lashing out sexually every chance I get... Doing what I'm wanting to do now is so damn hard with someone like you here in my arms. but I feel like I have to do it, for my sake. I hope you understand... My sex drive seems to always be in 6th gear, especially around you girls who have transformed... I know that our "encounters" are few and far between mostly, but, I really want this one to be about us just enjoying being with and around and near each other... I'm so sorry if I completely ruined what you wanted for tonight... Please don't take this the wrong way... I really feel deeply for you... I really do!
So... we just lay there until I started feeling dizzy. T helped me to her bed and made me some food and I started feeling better. I texted O to tell her what was going on and she asked if she wanted her to pick me up but I told her I'd be ok here at Tonya's. I haven't really eaten much since this period started so I guess I was just physically spent. I fell asleep with her playing with my hair while watching
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
I was woken up by her putting a big necklace on me and from the smell of something delicious cooking. After I rubbed my eyes a few times, I hate sleeping in make-up, she wanted to take a pic of me looking all sleepy. I turned around and posed the best I could. I didn't want to do it but she insisted! I was sure I looked great with crazy hair and make-up all under my eyes, but I did it anyway. She sent me the pic. She said I look really sexy in it. Here it is... Don't I just look great!?!?!? mmm hmm...
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Actually, I kinda like this look!!!
Might go for this the next time the band plays... |
So... I got up and we ate, some amazing French Toast, and then I had to take a shower but T really wanted some... loving... I agreed to do her but she was to not touch me. I hoped in the shower for a few minutes and get as clean as I could in like three minutes and then she hopped in. Well... she got what she wanted, believe me! And she seemed to really like it!
I borrowed some of her clothes, not her bra though... One cup swallowed my whole damn chest!!! Hee Hee!!! ;) Have you seen those hooters that girl has! Check them out here on her blog!!! I finished getting ready and I let a secret out... Oops... BIG TIME!!! We also thought it would be cool to double date - Me and Olivia and her and Dani. Go to a fancy resturant then go see maybe The Man of Steel or something... Sounds like fun!!!
Now I'm at work and feeling lots better!!! My mom called me like an hour ago to check up on me again. She said to be sure to take my vitamins and that I'm borderline anemic!!! So that's why I haven't been feeling well and almost passed out last night!!! Makes sense now! Lost lots of blood.. Iron low... Not really eating...
Is it bad that I can't stop staring at that pic of myself... *blush*
Oh yeah... Dad is sick so the dinner at the "old folks home" has been moved until tomorrow... Bummer... I guess I'll have to drag myself home to Olivia... ;)
Bye for now! One hour left at work!!! Woo Hoo!!!
